I reckon that men don’t appreciate lingerie enough. A dangerous comment on a website devoted to the stuff maybe? Maybe so, but as soon as I heard that this column was entitled ‘A Male Point of View’, I immediately knew that it gave me a certain degree of carte blanche to make sweeping generalisations about the topic in question with little or no quantifiable evidence to back them up, and then justify anything I said simply by pointing out my position as a typical man with a male point of view. After all, the clue is in the title.
So, girls might assume that having spent over £100 and a considerable amount of time putting it all on, that us men are going to look at in detail, admire the design or the pattern, enquire after the brand and then want to learn more about their latest collection. Well… no. Not really. Most of the time we’re just going to be like, yeah, nice, now take it off, assuming we even notice that you’ve made the effort. Here, though, is where I think the difference lies between relationships and more casual encounters. Being a single gent, the majority of my encounters with lingerie clad young ladies is after a night out, when more often than not, we’re both going to be thoroughly shitfaced and it’ll be a miracle if we even remember each other’s names in the morning, let alone whether or not she was wearing matching underwear. And to be honest, at 5am after a night of £1 Jagerbombs, I really couldn’t care less. However, if you’re in a relationship, and you’re having sober sex, then, in a manner similar to that of Mr Blake, writing in the article before me, making an effort is going to be far more likely to be a) noticed and b) appreciated. After all, you don’t to run the risk of having your bedroom antics stagnating and becoming boring (especially if she’s been reading 50 Shades of you know what). But the whole shebang of an all-matching outfit, possibly including a corset and suspenders and everything in between is simply neither feasible nor practical for a single girl out on a Tuesday night in Leeds (or, I imagine, any other town). There is one item of lingerie though which can transcend the single encounter vs. the relationship debate, can be worn at any occasion, and still makes any man begin to appreciate what his partner is wearing a whole lot more: crotchless knickers.
What is it about these small pieces of cotton and lace that so totally enraptures and consumes any man they are presented to? After all, there’s actually less material there to hold a fellow’s attention than comparatively complete knickers. Is it that you can have sex more easily? Well, no, not really. If you’re in that much of a rush to tuck in, you can easily just push her underwear to the side and crack on – simple. Is it that you’re more aware that she’s gone to the effort to go and buy them and probably spent ages in Coco de Mer choosing which ones to get? Of course not. No, the reason why any man will go weak at the knees for open pants is that if he is confronted with them, whether he’s single or in a relationship, is that they’re so inherently naughty, almost to a pseudo-porn extent, that he knows immediately that she is in the mood to give him the ride of his life, and put simply, that is enough to make any man sit up and pay attention.
Image: Courtesy of Lascivious
Photographer: James Lightbown